Scalloped Potatoes, or Not

I know you’ll want to try this at home kids, so here it is. I’m not sure if my assessment of how this went is accurate, but it definitely didn’t turn out the way I was hoping. Still very edible, just not the way I was hoping.

Feeds: one army OR one average stomach + the bottomless pit that is my boyfriend’s stomach + leftovers.


5 lbs of red potatoes (I think this was supposed to be 2 pounds)

3 Tb butter

3 Tb flour

2 1/2 c. milk

1 sm. onion, chopped (should have been minced but my sidekick got tired of slicing)

1 1/2 lbs ham? (I bought a giant LOAF [see pic below] which I didn’t realize was 3 pounds, and ended up using half)

salt and pepper


Cut potatoes into big chunks while boiling a large pot of water.



Boil those suckers for a while…maybe half an hour until “fork tender.” This is when you stick a fork in them and instead of feeling like you stuck a fork into an apple, it feels like you stuck a fork into…a soft potato.

Drain the water and start slicing those suckers up. They will disintegrate in hand and knife. Ignore and proceed.

IMG_4087 You’ll have so much potato. Take the bludgeoning tool that is your ham chunk and start slicing. Mine looked like this:



Think of what scalloped potatoes with ham are supposed to look like, and then try to cut the ham into that shape. Succeed and move on.

Now’s a good time to start preheating your oven to 350 degrees Kelvin. JK, Fahrenheit, DUH. That would be way too cold.

Meanwhile, you were supposed to have a pan heating on the stove to med-low heat. Where were you? When your pan is ready, insert butter. When it’s melted, gradually, GRADUALLY stir in your flour. Add salt and pepper to your liking. You should know how much salt you like in your butter, come on.

Also, stir constantly as you’re adding in the flour. It should thicken and smooth out, and then you’ll want to do the same thing with the milk so you end up with this:



When that’s done, you’re ready to pop all this in the oven. Spray a casserole dish (or two, like I needed) and arrange a bottom layer of your potato slices/mush. Add a layer of ham, followed by a layer of onions and sauce.



You’ll want to make 2-3 layers, depending on how deep your casserole dishes are. I had one shallow and one a little deeper, if you can tell from the picture.



Cover these bad boys for the first 30 minutes, then remove cover and bake for another 30-45 minutes until the top starts to brown or until you are too hungry to wait.

What comes out is not exactly scalloped potatoes, but a weird kind of chunky mashed potato with ham. The flavor will still be yummy, but you’ll want to make a mental note to use like half the potatoes for the same amount of sauce next time. Eat the leftovers anyway over the course of four or more days.


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