Growth

Sometimes when you really look back, you realize how far you’ve come and confirm that you are where you should be.

I might be going through a tiny growth spurt. Not physically…I’m stuck at about 5’2” until I start shrinking after 30. There’s something to look forward to. No, I mean personally. Reading through some of my posts over the last nine months reminds me of where I was and what questions I had swimming around in my head. Although I have some new questions swimming around now, they come with less anxiety and more excitement, the kind you get by having the confidence of understanding yourself better.

Rather than be completely vague, let’s take a brief trip through the archives. It was around nine months ago that I was dying to get out of a job I was miserable in but hadn’t really figured out where I wanted to be long-term, and I was dying to move out but also had some serious anxiety about leaving mama bird’s nest for good. None of it was quite real yet though. Fast forward to the holiday season and I had saved up a bunch of money from the fancy new job that I was getting used to, and my move-out date was set a little sooner than I had originally planned.

Moving out brought on changes from all angles. Literally all angles: relationships, money, work, everyday habits, priorities, and goals. I can’t say I really enjoyed the process of getting all my bills activated/adjusted, or of figuring out what groceries to get and how often without running out of some things and having to throw out others. I’m happy to say that all of my bills are organized and I know what I need to get for properly spaced-out grocery trips.

Everything else has been a process as well. I’ve found more enjoyment out of taking time to prepare meals, exploring the new area I live in, and finding a new routine than I imagined before. I love the area that I live in because there’s so much here, and I’m far enough from where I was to feel cut off from the stuff I had gotten sick of, yet still close enough to be able to make a trip back to see my mom when I want. I’m able to distance myself from the things that weren’t helping me progress, and being on my own in a busy, diverse area has only been a positive experience so far.

With the goal of moving out achieved, I guess my focus was able to shift onto bigger things. Timing is funny sometimes. Some shifting in the workplace seemed to coincide with my own gradual change of focus, and I started thinking a lot harder about what I ultimately want, career-wise. Assertiveness is becoming my new best friend. I’ve made a few exciting breakthroughs and discoveries recently, and there’s a lot to come in future posts. I got big plans, peeps!

It can be really hard at times when you don’t know what’s in store for you or what you even hope is in store for you. I’ll just say that fear can either push you forward or hold you back, and I’ve used it to push me forward.

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